Reflections on "The Great One" (Denali)

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t upset about not summiting Denali. That said, I am very proud of myself for giving it my all. In the end, it was not my fault I did not summit. In fact I did everything humanly possible to try to get up there without putting myself in danger. Mountaineering is a variable sport, and weather is a big part of the game. So, all things considered, it’s really not bad. And in a weird way I’m actually happy that I didn’t summit because it means that I will likely get the chance to return next June.

35%...that's a pretty low success rate. Not as low as Foraker's 0% though...

My experience on Denali taught me several things. Primary among them would be that big expedition mountaineering—when you’re spending weeks to months on a mountain—is even more mental than other mountain climbing. Climbing any mountain is a mental game, that’s for sure, but “the hang”—the sitting around for days on end waiting out bad weather—adds a whole new, difficult component to the picture. I don’t think I’ve mastered the “art of the hang.” as Joe used to call it, but I do think I’m getting there. You can’t over-think or over-analyze it. You’re on the mountain, so you must enjoy it. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen—eventually.

It also revealed to me how close one gets to his or her teammates on an expedition. I cannot remember the last time I felt as lonely as I did the day after I joined the second group at Camp III. I was shocked how much I missed my old teammates, not because my new ones were less cool, fun, or interesting, but because I had developed strong, meaningful bonds with my old team that were very difficult to forget or replace. Luckily, I established new relationships quickly and began to develop a strong rapport with my new team that complemented—but never replaced—my bonds with my initial team. 

Finally, Denali reminded me that we cannot accomplish everything perfectly. I knew going into this project that it would be unrealistic for me to go “7 for 7” and summit each mountain without fail. That said, I still held onto a naïve hope that it would happen, both for my sake and for the sake of my parents’ wallet. But Denali proved to me that you have to be ready to try again, and I think I am up for that challenge. You can count on one thing, Denali, that you’ll be seeing me again next June for Round II. Because even though I didn’t summit this time, I haven’t given up. I’ll be back. 

My final group...a mix of three Mountain Trip expeditions!

Day 27: Move down to Base Camp and fly off

Phew, what a grueling day. The good news is that we made it all the way down to Base Camp in safety despite some bad conditions. The evening started off well. We left camp around 8pm with clear skies and nice weather. However, by the time we got down to Camp II the clouds had come in and we were moving in a whiteout. 

After digging up our cache there, we continued down towards Camp I. But we soon lost track of the trail and wandered around for hours using the GPS to find our way down. This section of the descent, which should have taken around 1.5 hours, took us 3 hours. It was cold and everyone’s clothes and faces glistened in the moonlight. Karen’s hair had even frozen solid around her face. If it hadn’t been cold and miserable, it would have seemed magical. Finally we made it down to Camp I and took a brief rest there before continuing on to the final six miles of the trek to Base Camp. 

A couple hours later, we began our hike up Heartbreak Hill—a usually mellow hill that feels like torture after a 13 hours descent. It definitely didn’t feel so mellow to me at that point. Furthermore, we had to walk up another half hour beyond Base Camp because as the season progresses, the ice runway melts so it keeps getting pushed up the glacier. Finally we made it and had a celebratory moment for getting back down safely. We set up our tents and rested (it was now around 9am). The clouds hadn’t let up at all, so we were not optimistic that we’d be flying out that day. Some teams have spent up to a week at Base Camp waiting to fly out… (that expedition had to dig through the trash to find food to eat…).

Flying off...

All of a sudden, around 6pm that night, we got a call to begin flattening out the runway. This involves strapping on your snowshoes and walking up and down the glacier runway in a line so that the places can land safely. Just as we finished this, we heard the unmistakable buzz of a plane descending and we sprinted back to our camp to pack up our stuff. If the plane did get a chance to land, we might be able to fly out. Luck was on our side then, because two planes landed so we threw all our gear into the jet and took off out of there. After a beautiful half hour ride back to Talkeetna, we set foot on dirt once more. And boy did it feel weird. After a month of just snow, rock, and ice, I was back in the forest and back in civilization. We are spending the night in Talkeetna and then heading back to Anchorage tomorrow morning after a  final breakfast at The Roadhouse. 

Suddenly I feel dirty...

Day 26: Weather Day

And it doesn’t look like we’re going to get one… We move down tonight and plan to go all the way from this camp (at 14,200ft) to Base Camp (7,200ft) in one push.

Day 25: Weather Day

Still majorly dangerous avalanche conditions on the Headwall.  We only have one more day here before we have to go down (our “up or down day”). I think we’re really hoping for a miracle now… 

Playing cards with Tessa in the tent!

Day 24: Weather Day

The sun was out and it was warm once more but, alas, we are still stuck at Camp III. The avalanche risk has not decreased at all so we are still in a holding pattern. Fingers crossed that something happens soon… Up until today, not a single one of the 100+ people at camp had gone up the slope because of the avalanche risk, but today a group of Norwegian climbers tried going up to recover their skis which were cached up at the top of the ridge. Fortunately, they made it back safely. But unfortunately, they only made it halfway up the slope and turned around after exhausting themselves in the chest-deep snow. Their analysis of the slope conditions is that the avalanche won’t decrease for weeks more at best… Fingers crossed that they’re wrong…

Day 23: Weather Day

Well no luck moving back up to High Camp today. The snow from the storm the past couple days has dumped over 1.5 of powder onto the Headwall (that steep, 2000 ft slope that is right out of Camp III). Apparently there is a really weak persistent layer beneath this fresh snow, and it is ripe to avalanche. At this point, we either want it to avalanche, so that the slope can stabilize once more, or we want the snow to pack down and strengthen the weak layer so that it is no longer a big risk. No word on how long this might take… 

Day 22: Cache at the 16,200ft Ridge

I must admit that I’m still a little drained from yesterday, but after five days in a tent doing nothing it’s nice to get some exercise. Our cache today was actually pretty exciting. The bad weather from yesterday continued to persist and, though we were sheltered from the high winds for much of the day, the clouds and snow did not abate at all.  It took us around four hours to get up to the ridge due to the less-than-ideal weather conditions, and much longer going down than expected because white-out conditions developed. After coming down the fixed lines, Roman, who was on point, couldn’t find the trail so we all roped up into one big line and one of my new guides—Karen—took the lead. She is clearly a strong and experienced guide, and with her at the front we were able to get back on the path and make it safely down to Camp III once more.

My new group is very international, even more so than my last group. There are two other Americans, one South African, two Germans, a Slovakian, and an Australian. It was a pretty tough adjustment to leave my original group and just jump right into a new one, but my two tent-mates, Karin (the South African) and Tess (the Alaskan) have been especially welcoming. To be honest, I’m most excited to be able to eat more of Mountain Trip’s fabulous expedition food. Tonight we had pizza again. It was delicious! Nom nom nom. 

Day 21: Move down to Camp III (14,200ft)

Well, this is it: we’re moving down. Joe came into our tent at around 10am and told us the news. Apparently the park rangers who had been stationed up here at High Camp had moved down earlier this morning and strongly recommended that we follow suit because a “Perfect Storm” is converging on the mountain. Four low pressure (bad weather) systems are coming in from all sides. Already the winds have started to howl and the snow almost horizontally directly into our faces.  We broke down camp in these conditions and then proceeded to rope up into our two rope teams to descend. The park rangers and another climbing expedition had already begun their descent when we made our way to the top of the ridge. 

Greg, my tent-mate, was leading our team (it is standard procedure for the guides to be at the back of the rope when descending). As he rounded the first narrow strip of the ridge, which involves stepping around a massive rock with only a couple inches of ground separating it from a very exposed drop, the a huge gust of wind picked him up and he slammed into the boulder. It was hard for me to see whether he had been injured, but we stayed there waiting for him to recover for several minutes. He stood pressed against the rock, gripping it tightly with his arms outstretched. A couple minutes later, Joe gave the call to retreat back to High Camp. We set up a tent and huddled inside together, still in all of our gear. Greg had bruised his knee pretty badly when he hit the rock, so he took some painkillers. About two hours later, we made a second attempt at descending. This time Travis, one of our guides, led at the front of the rope team. 

Luckily the weather had gotten significantly better and the wind had died down a bit. About half way down the ridge looms a massive rock feature called Washburn’s Thumb.  This is where the upper set of fixed lines are. We began descending this section, but communication was difficult because one’s voice isn’t always carried around the rock. With this in mind, we all proceeded slowly and cautiously. When I was several feet from the starting point of the lines—out of sight of those below me and only barely in the sight of those above—I felt a sudden, powerful yank on the rope and a split-second later I hit the ground. On impulse I grabbed the adze and shaft of my ice axe and self-arrested, which stopped me from being dragged any further down. I dug my feet into the ice and adjusted my grip, still in shock that someone had fallen. Joe yelled down to Greg, who had taken a fall halfway down the lines, when it is most exposed. He appeared fine, just shaken—a natural reaction. We waited there for several more minutes to recollect ourselves before continuing our descent.  We reached the top of the lower fixed lines without any more incidents. From there, it was smooth sailing into Camp III, where we all got some well-deserved recuperation time. Though it had not been the most physically strenuous of days, the disappointment of going down added to the mental drain of the weather and the fall made it the difficult day of the whole expedition to that point.  I think that’s all for now. (I need to get some sleep.)

Update: Good news, folks! I worked out a deal with my guides to join another Mountain Trip team that is currently at Camp III. We are planning to cache back up at 16,200ft tomorrow, so if all goes well, we have several potential summit days after that.

Day 20: Weather Day

Still stuck at High Camp…weather looks like it’s going to improve, then goes sour again. Very mentally distressed. Hope it will clear up tomorrow so that we can summit. Our “Up or Down Day” (the day by which you need to either be moving up—in our case, to the summit—or moving down to Base Camp to fly off because you’re out of time) is approaching quickly. 

Day 19: Weather Day

Day 19: Weather Day

Another weather day…in protest of the bad weather, I am not going to write a blog post. Take that, weather gods. 

Day 18: Weather Day

Another weather day…I finished Battlestar Galactica and also finished another book—a sci-fi class, Ender’s Game. I had actually purchased The Hunger Games a couple months ago because I had confused it with Ender’s Game. Turned out that both are fantastic books, and I’m glad I finally got to read Ender’s. I am eager to download the sequels when I return.

Not much else to report on. Greg and I have a new tent-mate…forgot to mention that yesterday. Arkhom moved in with us when Shlomo decided not to join us at High Camp. Also, Greg is almost finished with a book I managed to snag for him from some guys at Camp III.  I got him The Hunger Games and he loves it. He’s going to get it for his boys when he gets off the mountain. I was shocked that they hadn’t read it already!

Still praying for an improvement in the weather. It looks like we might get an opening on Saturday, three days from now. Fingers crossed…

From out little excursion to the End of the World.

Day 17: Weather Day

Well, no summit bid today. The weather worsened significantly overnight (as the forecast had predicted). The storm dumped a bunch of snow on us and the wind’s howling kept us awake most of the night. It is very difficult to sleep when your tent is being thrashed around by 50+ mph winds. Anyway, on the bright side it gave me some time to continue watching Battlestar Galactica. I’m only one episode from being finished with the entire first season…not sure how I’ll amuse myself when I finish it!

Day 16: Move up to High Camp (17,200ft)

Well the weather hasn’t gotten bad yet. We made it up to High Camp in yet another day of splendid blue skies. The highlight of my day (and possibly my trip) came as we broached the top of Washburn’s Thumb, a giant rock that you have to climb around using a second set of fixed lines. It is about half way between the top of the fixed lines and High Camp along the ridge. We had just started up after taking a break when I heard the unmistakable noise of a plane moving at high speed. Planes, though not an uncommon sight to see (or sound to hear) on Denali, are not usually that loud…or close. I looked behind me and sure enough, there was a formation of F-22 fighter jets practicing. We had all noticed, and stopped to watch them. Joe began jumping up and down and waving his hands like a little kid. I have to admit, it was really exciting. Then one of the planes broke formation and circled around so he was flying straight at us. He shot right over our heads and I swear he was doing it for us. (Though small, we do stand out on the ridge due to the contrast between the bright hues of our clothing and the monotonous white and rock of the slope.) It was like this pilot had just saluted us, and wished us good luck for the remainder of our climb. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

Climbing around 14k Camp with Mt. Hunter in the background.

We then continued to High Camp—only an hour or so distant at that point—without incident. We were all pretty tired by the time we reached 17,200ft (the altitude at High Camp), both because of the thin air and also the exertion of the day’s climb. Though we made good time going up the Headwall, the second half of the day—climbing the 16,200ft Knife-edge Ridge—was surprisingly difficult and tiring. We were going very slowly the whole way, our progress inhibited by the constant stopping to clip through the fixed protection lining the ridge. We were all just happy to make it to High Camp and to set up our tents in good weather.

On another note, the June 15^th Mountain Trip team summited today! I am so, so proud of them. They are all great, hard-working people and they definitely deserve this summit. We hope we will be able to repeat their success in a couple days when we make our summit bid. 

Day 15: Rest Day

I have a new obsession. Don’t mock me… I’m really into sci-fi and fantasy and I don’t know how I missed out on this series, but….here it is…I’m obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. No, not the original back from the 80’s, but the new, 2003-2008 series. It’s just so good. It’s thought-provoking, action packed, well-written, and well-acted. I had downloaded the first season onto my iPod before I went on the mountain and at the rate I’m watching episodes, I will wish I had downloaded the whole series!

(I’m not just watching TV…I finished reading the fifth book in the Game of Thrones series and also read The Alchemist—a great read on a long mountaineering expedition or when you’re ever in need of some great philosophical advice.)

In other news, we did a second skills training today. This time, we practiced the running belay and magic clip-through. These are techniques that will become important (and potentially life-saving) up on the 16,200ft Knife-edge Ridge. Hopefully we’ll get a chance to practice them in real life tomorrow when we ascend to Camp IV…also known as High Camp. If the weather holds up, that is…

At this point, we are slated to summit in three days. The only thing is that a low-pressure (read: bad weather) system is supposed to come in in…three days. So, while it’s beautiful and sunny now, we’re all secretly thinking “How long have we got until this weather spoils.” Please let the forecast be wrong, please let it be wrong.

Day 14: Cache at the 16,200ft Ridge

The verdict: not so bad. I guess my expectations were that it would be exceptionally difficult, but I honestly didn’t the Headwall to be particularly difficult. Granted, we weren’t carry that much in our packs, but it’s still a steep slope (roughly 45-50 degrees at times). It took us just over 3 hours to make it up to the top of the fixed lines (which is where the route meets the 16,200ft Knife-edge Ridge). We dug our cache in on the ridge, not far from the fixed lines. It was so sunny that I actually climbed in only my Patagonia Tropical Sun Hoody—a light, hooded top that is actually meant to be used for fly-fishing in hot conditions. Well, guess what, it also works on Denali. Or, worked…until I got up to the ridge. Until that point, there had been no wind, only the hot sun. But there was a definite breeze up on the ridge and I got quite chilled while I waited on the fixed lines for Joe to secure us on an anchor. Lesson learned for next time…! 

Day 13: Rest Day

Our first full rest day at Camp III. We did skills training; we learned how to ascend the fixed lines that will greet us when we ascend the Headwall tomorrow. I don’t think I’ve described how intimidating the Headwall looks to us down here at Camp III. We’ve climbed up some fairly steep slopes, but nothing that looks as steep as the Headwall. It rises up a couple hundred meters outside camp, sloping at first steeply upwards then petering off before getting even steeper until it reaches the 16,200ft Knife-edge Ridge. The last part of the Headwall is so steep that there are fixed lines (ropes that are anchored into the mountain with pickets each season) on the final 500ft of the 2000ft slope to prevent people from falling down the mountain. I hope it isn’t as hard as it looks…I guess I’ll find out tomorrow!

My and Greg's tent at 14k Camp on Denali with Mt. Hunter in the background.

Day 12: Backcarry Windy Corner Cache

We had an “active” rest day today, which means that we walked down to Windy Corner and dug up the gear and food we had left there. All in all, it was a pretty easy and unremarkable day. The weather continues to be great, and having clear skies allows us to take in the rest of the Alaska Range in all its glory. Of particular note on this upper part of the trail from Camp II to Camp III are the humongous crevasses that open up this part of the glacier like huge rifts in the earth. They are magnificent. Even pictures cannot accurately depict their majestic size because you cannot understand or comprehend the sheer scale of how huge these cracks are. Amazing.

Day 11: Move up to Camp III (14,200ft)

Yes! We were able to pull two in a row and move up to Camp III—the famed “14k Camp”—today. The weather was better than yesterday and we had almost too much sun. It can really get hot! It took us a long time to make it up to Camp III, but we finally made it in late afternoon and were able to socialize with three other Mountain Trip teams at that camp, including the Wounded Warriors expedition.

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Building camp at 14k

Camp III is the most famous camp on Denali because most teams spend several days (including a few rest days) there, and thus it becomes a social camp. It’s also where teams can get stuck for long periods of time due to bad weather. Luckily, even when the weather’s bad it is usually not so severe that you are forced to remain in your tent. Thus, even during bad weather the camp maintains its social reputation.

This is all contingent upon oneself being social, however. I was the most social of my team (though, as mountaineering teams go, we were a pretty social bunch). I continued to be particularly close with the June 15^th Mountain Trip team, but also branched out and socialized with some really great guys on an RMI trip on the same schedule as us. One of their climbers, Nelson, is my age and is also going to Princeton (albeit a year before me)! He is a very nice guy, and very fun to talk to. It’s amazing that we were able to meet randomly on the mountain. I’m hoping he starts an outdoors/climbing club at Princeton that I can join when I get there.

The Wounded Warriors were not very friendly to me (in fact, they were downright rude and homophobic), but I continue to respect and admire them for their efforts and understand that they were not in such a great place mentally (they had just found out that they would not be able to continue up the mountain). It’s an unfortunate reality that mountaineering isn’t the most accepting of sports for gay people; it’s a pretty butch sport. That said, the comments that these guys made about me are the exception, not the rule. In fact, every other person I have met on a mountain has been incredibly positive and supportive of my mission. So, in a way, my interaction with the Wounded Warriors is a good reminder of the real world and how we still have a ways to go before gay people are accepted and embraced by everyone. 

Day 10: Cache at Windy Corner (13,700ft)

And it did improve! Thank goodness… It actually wasn’t looking very good when we woke up at 8am this morning. We had a team meeting to discuss our plan: go up, or stay here. A couple members of our team were not eager to push on in potentially bad conditions, but I and several of my teammates countered that if the conditions worsened, we would just turn around and abandon the attempt. We took the risk and ascended Motorcycle Hill—the slope where the four Japanese climbers had been killed a week before—for the first time. Though it looked incredibly imposing and difficult, it really wasn’t so bad. The weather actually ended up improving significantly and we were able to put our cache in at the bottom of Windy Corner. We returned to Camp II very excited by our achievement, but still wary of the avalanche risk that haunts the mountain after any significant snowfall. 

Day 9: Weather Day

Another weather day... I hung out with the other Mountain Trip team a bit and they taught me a fun group game called Psychiatrist. I’m not going to tell you how to play, in case I’m ever stuck on a mountain with you with nothing else to do.  More mental anguish as we continue to calculate and recalculate our itinerary for the remaining days. Hopefully the weather will improve soon!